Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
