i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
