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Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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