yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
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You're earring is so big in my mouth
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect