I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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