I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
