i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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