I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
