Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
