Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
