i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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