we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
