Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
