fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
