the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
