the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
