before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
