I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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