with your own penis?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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