im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
