I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
