We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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