Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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