So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
