I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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