This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
