Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
