Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
