Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
