I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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