I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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