Porn is love you can see.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
