I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
