haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't put those talents on a resume
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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