You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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