Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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