Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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