my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
