Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
