i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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