Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
