i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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