We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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