Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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