the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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