Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
