Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
