I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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