i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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