boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
