I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
