So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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