i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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