That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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