The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
