ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
