I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
