Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
