The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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