im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
