i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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