see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize