what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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