I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
