If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
