If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you had me at cake vodka
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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