i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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