it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
