dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
