Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
