I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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