Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
