she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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