Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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