Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
