my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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