I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
