goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
