Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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