We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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