Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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