So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
