Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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