I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
