I just made out with a guy for $7.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
