There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
