The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
