did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
