your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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