WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
