I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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