Swine flu. Run for my life!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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