i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
