She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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