You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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