I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
