so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
