Jerry, you need to find god
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
