Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
