he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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